


Send My Love

by pumpkinpwark



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Inspired by To All The Boys I've Loved Before, Light Angst, Love Letters, M/M, NCT 2018, NCT Dream Ensemble-centric, Park Jisung (NCT)-centric
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-02
Updated: 2019-03-02
Packaged: 2019-11-07 23:24:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,834
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17970041
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pumpkinpwark/pseuds/pumpkinpwark
Summary: Sometimes I wonder, do you still think of me?OrJisung's four letters to boys he might have loved before (or maybe still love)





	Send My Love

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this at an ungodly hour in the night after watching a ChenJi video because come on, they are friendship goals. Enjoy my first work! (Another Nct fanfic is on its way, I just get things done in short spikes of productivity)

 

  
Dear Lee Jeno,

 

I guess I should start out by thanking you. When I first joined the dance crew, I was that shy kid who never spoke a word, recoiled from human contact, and was so ridden with nerves and anxiety that I found it hard to even open the door to the studio. Part of the reason I kept coming back was because of you. Thank you for the reassuring eye smiles when my hands started shaking, the pats on the back for nailing a routine, and the constant invites to hang out with the rest of the crew even though I always hastily refused. Without your encouragement, I might have given up on dance, the only thing that made me happy.

 

Maybe it was out of gratitude or admiration and nothing more, but your kind words and light touches always made my heart beat faster. And it wasn’t just me. Every kid who was in our crew probably had a tiny crush on you at some point, even if they won’t admit it. Because you were Lee Jeno, the confident, sweet, handsome dancer who enraptured all with your charm. The respectful type of boy who mothers would be happy to see their child bring home. Oh, and your dance. The most mesmerizing, captivating, graceful, stunning aura that came with each step you took made me fall even harder. I don’t know if you continued with it after the crew split up, but you inspired me to be better, and for that I will forever be grateful.

 

I regret not getting to know you more. It was frustrating, not being able to connect with others, but you were patient and easily forgiving of my social shortcomings. Maybe if I had offered a few words in return, or accepted your offers to grab a coffee together, we would have been something more than just acquaintances. But I was just a 16 year old boy who wasn’t ready for the commitment of any sort of relationship.

 

I still think about you every so often. Sometimes when I dance, I see you in the mirror, with your sparkling eyes and flowing grace. You tell me to lift my arm higher, to make my turn quicker, and then you flash me your perfect eye smile when I finish. Wherever you are, Lee Jeno, I hope you know that you’ve guided me in both dancing and in life more than you’ll ever know. Thank you.

   

    x Park Jisung

  


To Mark Lee,

 

You were my Lancelot, my handsome, strong knight who was always there to protect me since I was seven. When my classmates all made fun of my tiny eyes and my scrawny legs, you stood up for me. That time I was crying under the bleachers at the school dance because my asshole of a date ditched me, you rushed over and comforted me with those awful puns while everyone else was busy with their own dates. You drove me and Chenle to school every morning, despite the extra ten minutes to get to my house all the way across town. I never properly thanked you for everything you’d done.

 

I know it could never have happened. After all, you were my best friend’s older brother. I couldn’t even imagine the chaos that would ensue if we dated. But that didn’t stop me from sneaking glances in your direction when Chenle wasn’t looking. And I saw you look at me too. Don’t worry, I guess we were both guilty of liking someone who we weren’t allowed to.

 

It wasn’t love. I know it wasn’t for you either. The way you looked at Donghyuk showed me the difference between like and love, because the way you looked at him so affectionately with the corners of your mouth turned up was real, true love. I hope the two of you are happy together now. Maybe in another life where we were the same age and you weren’t brothers with Chenle, things might have been different between us. But that was never meant to be, was it? Even though we were only three years apart, I sometimes felt like we were worlds away.

 

I’m not writing this to talk about missed opportunities, though. This letter is only to tie up loose ends, but more importantly, to thank you. Thank you for being my first crush, no matter how short lived, impossible, and naive. Thank you for being my handsome older brother, who always took care of me when I couldn’t myself and who pinched my cheeks everyday. Mark, I miss you and your loud laughs and warm hugs. I hope you’re doing well, wherever in this crazy world you might be.

 

        x Your Mochi

  


Dear Nana,

 

Where do I even begin with you? You were one of the best things that ever happened to me, and you still are. You taught me how to properly love someone, how to care for them, and how to be loved for and cared for myself. You were my first kiss, my first love, and my first boyfriend.

 

I loved you, I really did. You might not have loved me the same, but when I first met you, I finally understood what love felt like. I saw how you flashed smiles at all the girls who would gawk, and I heard all the stories about your promiscuousness as the school player. But I didn’t care. You with your peachy hair, swept back messily, you with constellations in your eyes, you with your stunningly sweet smile, your everything enthralled me.

 

As I got to know you better, I only fell deeper. The little things you did would make me crazy; how you giggled with your eyes crinkled, the way you cared so much about everything in your life, the way you made people feel special. And you made me feel special. I remember when I confessed, for the first time you looked nervous, blushing, and far too _real_ to be just one of those jocks who toyed with people’s hearts. When you said you’d be my boyfriend, that might have been one of the happiest moments of my life. You made me so happy, Jaemin.

 

While we dated, every moment was a memory worth keeping. I remember lying with you on your bed, and you telling me that I was your first real boyfriend. All the flings, they were just for show, but loving someone was something so terrifying that you couldn’t be the first one to confess. I kissed you, then and there, even though there were no fireworks in the air outside.

 

I truly loved you, but I understood when you broke up with me. Your friends didn’t like me, the outsider who was a nobody compared to you. Of course I knew that wasn’t the only reason, but I didn’t want to pry. At the time, you might have broken my heart, but you and I both know now that we weren’t the ones for each other. I missed you so much afterwards, but our worlds were not meant to collide. You, the popular playboy, and me, the shy, awkward dancer.

 

What is love anyways? What’s the point if it will all inevitably end someday? Well, you taught me that love was something worthwhile. Thank you, Nana, for making me feel loved, even if our love wasn’t perfect. I do not regret a thing.

 

        x Jisungie

 

Dear Chenle,

 

Best friend. You were always my best friend. And there’s nobody I miss more than you. I remember staying up until one on a school night crying over the phone about all the shitty stuff that was happening at home, laughing when you cheered me up with weird stories and your dolphin laugh. I remember walking along the beach in Busan with you, watching the beautiful sunset, while we reminisced about middle school and dreamed about college. I remember getting into petty arguments that never lasted more than a day, because let’s be honest, who did we have besides each other? We were just two lonely kids who wanted somebody to understand, and we found each other. I will always be eternally grateful for you, Chenle. You’ve made me laugh more times than I can count, and there’s nothing I will ever be able to do to repay you.

 

Yes, I loved you. And I still do. I love everything about you. The way your eyes turn into folds when you smile your real smile, your soft apple cheeks that would turn red everytime the teacher called on you in class, the fact that you were always there, no matter what time, no matter the situation, no matter the day, at my doorstep with a pint of ice cream, a box of tissues, and a loving hug. Maybe I realized too late that all the times my stomach would feel nauseous and my cheeks would flush were not because of a continuous mild cold but because I was irrevocably, deeply, and so desperately in love with you.

 

Every moment was so real. Every moment we shared made me feel so light and fearless. I’m not pretending that our friendship was perfect. There were moments that I would have been happy to sock you in the face, but I guess we always had a mutual understanding that we would always just be there for each other.

 

I regret not telling you how I felt. The risks were too high. I couldn’t lose the only person I had just because I wanted to be more than friends. Maybe, just maybe if I had told you, we could've been something more. But I was smart enough to know that it wasn't possible. I saw the way you looked at Renjun, with such warm eyes that I had never seen from you before. It hurt, but but your happiness is my happiness. I hope you have a loving partner who doesn't just see you the way the rest of the world sees you, Chenle, the loud, carefree kid who cries too easily, but as Chenle, the shy, insecure boy who covers his hurt up with high pitched laughs and just wants to be happy.

 

I could never regret meeting you, no matter how much it hurt to be so close yet so far. Chenle, I love you more than you could ever know. Loving you was enough to make me happy, even when you loved someone else. I don’t even know why I’m writing this to you. You’re halfway across the world, and I doubt that you ever saw me in the same way that I saw you. I guess I just miss you, I miss hearing your dolphin laugh and monkey screeches, I miss eating kimchi and eggs with you for every meal, I miss skipping classes to buy candy with you from the convenience store, and I miss my best friend. You deserve the world, Chenle, and I hope you have a good life. 

 

       Love, Jisung

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



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